Bachelor Recap

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I was editing a blog post I recently wrote (which I am SUPER pumped to post) when I was reading a few weekly recaps of the Bachelor. Granted, I don’t really need to do this as I watch it every week with a group of very boisterous individuals, but I still enjoy reading the opinions and reactions of others. However this week’s response is striking a weird chord with me.

Sunday morning I had the privilege of watching a dear friend of mine speak on mental illness and the stigma that surrounds it in today’s culture (you can listen here if you feel so inclined) and I really appreciated somebody taking a stand and talking about it.

I have knowingly struggled with depression since my freshman year of high school. I can pinpoint the exact conversation that triggered a shift in my worldview. It’s been a battle ever since to maintain normality – and I wouldn't say that I’m “cured” or “no longer depressed” but I am definitely in a place where I know how to maintain level ground and keep my head above water… for the most part.

All of this brings me to why I felt so inclined to deviate from my original post – Kelsey’s appearance on this week’s episode of the bachelor and the response she has received.

Kelsey talks about being a widow the same way Ashely I. talks about being a virgin, as itf it's a currency that is going to persuade Chris to keep them around. It's gross."

- Chrissy Stockton, ThoughtCatalog

"Kelsey showed her true colors (and that's why we love her, but just kidding, because she may actually be nuts)"

- Amanda Michelle Steiner, People

"Kelsey turns this romantic trip to Santa Fe into The Kelsey Sob-Story Variety Hour. She sings! She exploits her late husband's congestive heart failure to win over a country mouse! She faints on cue!"

Vulture

I will start by saying this: I do not believe that Kelsey’s behavior is that of a healthy individual. I also do not believe that the way people are responding comes from a place of understanding or grace.

In my own story, I have had many people tell me that they do not understand the concept of depression or anxiety – this includes members of my family. Luckily, I also come from a family that encouraged me to seek help and provided a means for me to do so. I've been on the meds, I've been to a therapist, I've even been admitted to the psych ward (yikes) – it’s been a lot of years and a lot of different methods that have gotten me to the place where I am today. Still, a lot of people don’t understand what depression and anxiety entail.

My dad passed away five years ago this upcoming April. Naturally, this triggered a downturn in my mental state. It’s something that continues to ebb and flow as time passes – because a dad is a major player in an individual’s life. I can’t imagine what it would be like if it were my husband, like it was for my mother – and Kelsey Poe.

My family sometimes responds to our situation with what we call “dead dad jokes.” It comes across as inappropriate and insensitive to most individuals that experience this little bit of twisted humor we take part in. But as Sam says in Garden State, "You laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously." And maybe that’s what we see in this episode where Kelsey talks about her “amazing” story – so tune in at 8:00pm EST Monday nights!

Here’s the thing - ABC takes an unscripted dialogue and cuts and pastes and creates a reality that they believe will keep the viewers on the edge of their seats and tuning in next week. Who’s to say that Kelsey wasn't making a flippant comment about her situation and the producers took it and ran.

“But Bekah!” you may retort, “what was up with her collapsing at the end of the episode which resulted with a ‘To Be Continued…’?! She’s absolutely bonkers – she threw herself on the ground and had a temper tantrum! How crazy and childish!”

To you, I say listen to what she said as she was on the ground. Kelsey uttered two words that directed the health care professional to know exactly how to handle the situation – Panic Attack.

I've had two major panic attacks in my life that rendered me completely incapacitated. The first one was my sophomore year of college and I was lucky enough to have my dad join me in my car and drive for me and talk me through it – a memory I still rely on to this day to help me through similar situations that could easily trigger another attack. The second one was my senior year of college when I was planning my flight arrangements to Paris and London (I know, I know – first world problems). I wanted to die right there in my little twin sized bed in Birmingham, Alabama. I couldn't breathe, I was weeping uncontrollably, and I didn't know how to formulate a sentence. I felt useless, perhaps even worthless. I was in a stressful situation and I lost the ability to cope.

Think about the situation Kelsey finds herself in. Her husband has died a year and a half ago. She’s putting herself in a vulnerable position because she’s entering back into the dating world – OH which is also being nationally televised. If I had a dollar for every time I heard girls say on the show that it’s a much more emotionally taxing situation than they were prepared for, I would be living on an island with my own Kim Kardashian upgrade level haute couture wardrobe. I don’t doubt it’s a bit of a stressful situation. Heck, my mom gets stressed out by the thought of a date. And now, she’s just told her story to Chris (I almost said Juan Pablo – I miss him), and now she’s entering a rose ceremony after a clearly emotional Chris just walked away with new knowledge that there will be no pre-rose ceremony cocktail party. I’m not that thrown off by the fact that it was maybe a bit much for somebody to handle in a day.

Again I will reiterate that I do not believe that Kelsey’s actions are those of an individual with a healthy mental state. I will also add that I am thoroughly entertained by the show, its contents, and by watching it with highly opinionated and vocal individuals. But maybe we shouldn't look as contestants on the show as static character’s performing a puppet show for our entertainment. Individuals on this show are dynamic human beings with back-stories and lives outside of the 2 hours (with commercial breaks) shown to us each week.

I mean, if I were to end up on the show, lord knows they would take some quirk I have and make it my moniker – and it would probably be my deathly farts. I’d be labelled as disgusting, but monsieur bachelor would find it oddly refreshing (maybe not the best adjective given the context) and I would win the final rose and the heart of the bachelor and live happily ever after a la Sean and Catherine. Or they’d pinpoint my disdain for PDA and ushy gushy stuff early on and get me kicked out of there for not be emotionally invested enough.

But in both a flippant and serious closing statement:

Reality TV Stars: They’re Just Like US!