It has truly begun to surprise me how often and in depth people attempt to read into things. As in to the point where it is worrisome to me.
Case in point. I had a cuddle buddy and we ended things recently on amicable terms because he started seeing somebody else. This bit of news made me genuinely happy for him, because he truly is a good guy. Yet the amount of people that have told me that they perceive him to be lying is astonishing. They've come to me with comments like "He actually has feelings for you but knows he doesn't have a chance, there is no other girl he's just making her up" or "he's concerned because of your working relationship."
This young (and distinguished) gentleman has NEVER given me reason to believe that he is lying to me. If he is, why is that any concern of mine? It's a waste of my time to sit and be concerned if the reason a friend of mine, that I continue to spend quality time with, doesn't want to hang out at his apartment and watch movies with me anymore? He still makes an effort to see me, so why should I waste my time worrying about it? If he is being dishonest, then that can go ahead and eat up his conscious, but that worry has no place taking up any of my time.
Now is the point where you give me a chiding look and tell me that I'm too trusting, and that of course it matters if he's lying because it says something about his character. To this, I have two points to bring to your attention.
The first is this: when I tell somebody something, I want them to believe what I'm saying. The golden rule, amirite? I recently had to explain to a friend that the reason I matched with his boss on tinder is because my phone fell out of my hand when I was laying on my side in bed and it swiped the first person to the right, we matched, and it just so happened to be his boss. I immediately blocked the guy, but tinder had a fluke and he was still able to message me. Turns out we're from the same city in Minnesota, and he is actually a really cool person - so thanks for tweaking, tinder. Regardless, point being, no matter how contrived that story sounds, I was telling the truth. A fair amount of people told me that my friend wouldn't believe me in a million years because it sounded like a made up story. He might not believe me, but he's given me no reason to believe that he doesn't. And guess what? If he does think I'm lying, then I feel sorry that he's wasted his time considering the truth of such a minuscule situation.
Secondly - DUH. I am not a total ass-hat, so thank you for thinking so. There are plenty of situations I can think of where on numerous occasions a young man has backed out on set plans with some sort of excuse. HOWEVER - that does not make that person a liar, it makes them unreliable. Maybe they really are just swamped with school, or maybe they started somebody else and don't have the balls to be up front about it. At the end of the day it's not my job to play Sherlock and discern whether or not they're lying to me.
At the end of the day, you are able to gauge if a person is dependable/reliable. However, I do not possess the ability to look at the intentions of a persons heart and garner their honesty/integrity. At the end of the day, why would I willingly subject myself to wasting time wondering whether or not somebody is lying to me? I'm certain that there are many a better things I could be doing to utilize my time.
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